Thursday, October 30, 2008

love isn't easy/ but it sure is hard enough

I guess there comes a time where I have to be honest about who I really am.

It's no trouble for me; in fact I feel it is necessary in many instances. Those who do know me personally know in most circumstances I prefer not to lie about my self-perception, or who I am.

But in my home, things are different. If you've got opinions, it's best kept to yourself. If you've got something that isn't considered so-called normal, it's best to get rid of it, or just pretend to; I'd often just pretend to.

Then at this point, I'd question myself, if that's the case, what right do I have to advocate honesty?

Perhaps, I really don't.

Let's just get straight to the topic. I'm bisexual, and I've had the nerve and idiocy to come out to my mom.

1. Knowing your mom has the mindset of a traditional Chinese middle-aged conservative woman, how can you expect her to accept it?
This is a flaw on my part: Even though time and time again her reactions to what I truly am has disappointed me, I didn't want to have to make a devil out of her. My mother is not an evil person, I know. My mother is a loving, tender family woman and nothing matters more to her than her family and her kids. I had wished so badly that she would understand where I'm coming from. Very evidently, after rounds and rounds of argument over my health, my vegetarianism, my grades, my social circles, my sexual orientation, my habits, my principles and my 'values', she still does not want to accept me for who I truly am.

2. Why were you so stupid to even tell her these things?
Simply because she is my mom. She has the right to know. She needs to know. She herself yearned so much to understand her own child, and right at that point I knew it was high time. But now I see there's no point in that anymore.

[I conclude this post here, since there's no continuity from where I stopped, which was early in the morning. Now look at what time I posted!]