Friday, October 31, 2008
HAPPY HALLOWEEN 2008 EVERYBODY!!
love isn't easy/ but it sure is hard enough (II)
I don't wanna talkAbout things we've gone through
Though it's hurting me
Now it's history
I've played all my cards
And that's what you've done too
Nothing more to say
No more ace to play
The winner takes it all
The loser standing small
Beside the victory... that's her destiny.
I know you've found it so hard to realise how much I've changed. But it's been 17 long years and if I remained the same way, wouldn't it be much more worrying.
Being who you are to me doesn't mean you've got more right to impose your beliefs on me. I've had enough of your incessant questioning; I've had enough of your doubting; I've had enough of you digging up the past to reprimand the present and correct what's in the future. That will not work; things are different now.
I don't think I know what exactly are my rights, but I do know I've got the right to love, I've got the right to decide the sort of lifestyle I'd like to lead as long as it's not detrimental.
I don't know what makes you think it's unnatural. What's so unnatural about the ability to love? What's so unnatural about feelings. Emotions. Desires. Empathy. Compassion. Love.
If you could fall in love with someone regardless of height, weight, looks, race, creed, religion, intelligence, qualifications and socio-economic status, then why can't you just fall in love with someone regardless of gender?
Love isn't wrong. Denying yourself and others of the ability to do so is.
Race for cultural preservation is often what causes states to go to war.
A part of me doesn't want to believe in boundaries anymore.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
love isn't easy/ but it sure is hard enough
I guess there comes a time where I have to be honest about who I really am.It's no trouble for me; in fact I feel it is necessary in many instances. Those who do know me personally know in most circumstances I prefer not to lie about my self-perception, or who I am.
But in my home, things are different. If you've got opinions, it's best kept to yourself. If you've got something that isn't considered so-called normal, it's best to get rid of it, or just pretend to; I'd often just pretend to.
Then at this point, I'd question myself, if that's the case, what right do I have to advocate honesty?
Perhaps, I really don't.
Let's just get straight to the topic. I'm bisexual, and I've had the nerve and idiocy to come out to my mom.
1. Knowing your mom has the mindset of a traditional Chinese middle-aged conservative woman, how can you expect her to accept it?
This is a flaw on my part: Even though time and time again her reactions to what I truly am has disappointed me, I didn't want to have to make a devil out of her. My mother is not an evil person, I know. My mother is a loving, tender family woman and nothing matters more to her than her family and her kids. I had wished so badly that she would understand where I'm coming from. Very evidently, after rounds and rounds of argument over my health, my vegetarianism, my grades, my social circles, my sexual orientation, my habits, my principles and my 'values', she still does not want to accept me for who I truly am.
2. Why were you so stupid to even tell her these things?
Simply because she is my mom. She has the right to know. She needs to know. She herself yearned so much to understand her own child, and right at that point I knew it was high time. But now I see there's no point in that anymore.
[I conclude this post here, since there's no continuity from where I stopped, which was early in the morning. Now look at what time I posted!]
Saturday, October 25, 2008
i've fallen into the trap of infrequent posting
...and that's in relation to the amount I usually post.Oh well. What can I say? Life's been pretty... mm-hmm uh-huh yeah yeah yeah.
Oh and I hadn't said on this blog yet, we've a newcomer in the household, and he's Kuku the baby bird! Poor little Kuku fell from his nest in the tree at our backyard and miraculously survived the fall and escaped with only an injured leg. My grandma initially left him at the yard, thinking his mother (who by then was busily chirping and conducting a search within the vincinity), but by nightfall, when she realised he hadn't returned to the nest, she took him in, for fear that the stray cats and other creatures of the night would hurt or eat him. Day after day my grandma thought of putting him back, but I guess she didn't because he's just so vulnerable; when he came he couldn't walk, eat (unless assisted) or fly.
So everyday, we feed him a semi-solid mixture of rolled oats, grains, fruit and water. One person would hold him and prise open his beak while the other would mash one piece of grain and put it in his mouth. Initially when he first came he could only eat two grains of cooked rice. Now he has a voracious appetite of grains and fruits three times a day. My grandma also makes sure he gets some sunlight everyday by placing him in our front yard and letting him march around the porch.
All that's left for him to do now is fly. Then we'll let him fly away and reunite with his flock.
Monday, October 20, 2008
oh bang/ a boom-a-boomerang/ is love
Yet another ABBA classic stuck in my head. These people are insane man, they write songs that stick around forever. And I'm not complaining n__n
I really feel like posting the lyrics of Bang-A-Boomerang here, just because it's such an insanely cute song with the most nonsensical chorus ever. How many songs in this world have choruses like "oh bang/a boom-a-boomerang/dum-be-dum-dum be-dum be-dum-dum"?
And school. Is. Very. Draining. Every single moment I'm not occupied with some school-related stuff I really feel like sleeping. Right now the place where I have all my lectures,the Preview Theatre, is nice, but not very sleep-friendly. And how are you supposed to sleep when your Intro to Film lecturer keeps playing the shower scene from Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho over and over again?
So now, every time I reach home, I don't really feel like doing much else except sleep. And when I do sleep it's completely dreamless, and I have difficulty waking up from them. It's not the sort of sleep apnea I used to get last year but it's the very pleasant type, the sort where you open your eyes, smile a little, and want to close your eyes and roll over and sleep some more...
...preferably hugging something/someone.
Speaking of which... I'm in the library and I feel like sleeping... a lot... I... hope I... wake up.... in... time... for.... a talk at... 5...
*pass out*
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
engrish
Don't keep your hopes too high about the standard of English in China.Here's a collection of Engrish I've taken with my phone camera over the course of the trip.
From the nearby supermarket, Tesco TEDA Store:
"FACE EFFICACY MASK" (I think many consumers are doubting the product's efficacy...)
"Skin Whiten Nourish Facial Mask" (... ... ...)
It's not clear but I'll type it out: "High quality stainless steel substrate, satin finish interior, mirror polish outside (us:"?!?!"), new high class non-stick interior coating renders a super non-stick surface (us:?!?!?!?!?!?!")."
"Impact bonding sadwitch ottom, induction hob applicable" (us: "...what the kanina is this....!!"
"Heavy gauge bottom renders even and quick heat distribution, avoids scorching and keeps food nutritious and delicious" (WHAT THE FUCK NUTRITIOUS AND DELICIOUS)
"Humanized-design casting stainless steel handle, nice match (WTF), and comfortable for holding."
"Breaking hair and strengthen hair, effect at the same time (LOLWTFROFLHAHAHAHAHA)"
"CLEAN THE HAIR + NOURISH THE FOLLICLE"
And one final word from Tesco:
Yes, we're trying our best to "Expect for the better".
And we move on to the Engrish on the warship theme park I visited... this theme park isn't really finished, they've just done renovating the insides of an old USSR warship... and it looks like it's not just the park that needs some polishing...
And this one, I can't remember where it's from:
MISCELLANEOUS
(It says "MOISTEN THE BOWEL TO RELAX THE BOWEL". I've no idea what that means.)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
sianness and a post i owe you all for a week now
How jibye is this: you arrive at 730AM, thinking your class will start in 30 minutes... you walk 5 bazillion miles to the block you're supposed to have your class, you get to the level of the classroom, then you wait... no one appears, you SMS a friend to confirm you've got the right venue... your friend's reply indicates you're in the correct location... then you decide to turn on your laptop and log in to the school intranet... then you realise why nobody's there yet.
Your class has been shifted from 8AM to 10AM.
As for the post I owe you all, yes it's the one about Orange Hotel. Which kicks ass.
*AHEMCAMWHORINGALERTAHEM*
HAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY IT'S ME FANGYING!!!1!11!11oneone!1eleventyone!1 AND IMMA IN BEIJING!! I'm here to give you a tour of my very nice cozy swanky and snazzy little room in Orange Hotel, Beijing!
First we look at the cesspool of junk I lugged around Beijing...
... sitting on a very nice and comfy single bed! Very inviting if you've done a lot of walking during the day. I bet it has enough space for 3 people.
This is the desk I 'work' on... or supposed to because I was so fucking tired by the time I made it back to the hotel : P But yes it's a very nice little squeezy desk... though there's one major gripe, THE WIFI DOESN'T WORK.
And because it's such a small squeezy cosy little hotel room, the sink is right next to the desk,
and the toilet is right in front of it.
Of course, with a sliding door in front of the toilet.
And there's the view outside the window! It's not much, BUUUUUTTT I LIKE TEH WALL FULL OF CLIMBING PLANTS!
*SOB* I-I-I'm... *SOB* B-b-bye... *SOB*
*Operation Incoherent Dramatic Sobbing commences*
Monday, October 6, 2008
one night in beijing 我留下许多情
4th to 5th October: We spent one night in Beijing. First thing we arrived after a very long car journey lasting the whole morning from TEDA, we had lunch, then we went to Heavenly Palace Park, also known as 天坛 (Tian Tan) in Mandarin. Now you guys gotta understand that I'm not quite fond of sightseeing in the first place, though I wouldn't mind if the place is interesting. But Tian Tan, besides being big and majestic (like what else in Beijing isn't), is just that. And it was worse than what I'd seen as a preschooler some 12 years ago. Everything was barricaded so access was denied to a lot more places than before; the effects of acid rain on the tiles were much worse; and don't forget it's the Golden Weekend here in China, the country's 59th National Day, I swear it felt like 50% of China's population were all congregated there. The most annoying bit of all was that you have to pay for an entry ticket to each section of the park. To buy a through ticket would be 35 yuan. Just gaining entry into the goddamned park is 15 yuan. Each section is 10 yuan. What the hell! If I wasn't really enjoying it 12 years ago, I certainly am not now.
Then we decided to check into the hotel. Now the hotel's the interesting part - it's a small, quiet, swanky boutique hotel called Orange Hotel (橘子酒店). It's tucked away and hidden in the middle of a residential area and it's tiny for a hotel, 3 storeys high and less than 10 rooms per storey, and each room is small but not squeezy, just compact enough for coziness. My parents stayed in one double room, my grandmothers shared one twin room, and I stayed in a single room just down the aisle. And boy, I LOVE my room! But I want to present my room in its own post so later.
After a good rest in our rooms we headed out for dinner at a Korean restaurant with some of my dad's collegues and their family. The mushroom soup is excellent, but no matter what my grandmothers say about how nice the kimchi is I still like the sort they ship in to Singapore. Theirs is like SWEET and I like mine sour and spicy. But that aside, the mushroom soup and fried tofu are great, and I guess I stuffed myself up just an inch away from exploding point.
One of my dad's collegues, Changyao, a Beijing native, recommended that we have a look at The Place （世贸天阶）, where the world's largest and longest LED display is housed, installed on the ceiling of a hallway at least five stories high by my (rather inaccurate) estimation. All I can say is, IT'S MASSIVE! Need I say more? Now I personally don't have pictures (long story) but dude, if I had my own camera I'd go snap-happy. Now part of what makes it so amazing is what's being displayed. If such a gizmo was installed in Singapore the first thing they'd broadcast would be ADVERTISEMENTS. But not here in Beijing. The LED displays showed a series of very cool graphics, ranging from the snazzy to the stormy, the loud to the soft, accompanied by musical arrangement that makes the whole display more than just a visual treat. When the phoenix flies, you really feel like it's flying over your head and to the skies beyond.
Following a whole night of getting lost around Beijing and making poor 曹师傅 drive around an unfamiliar city in circles, we finally reached the hotel at almost 11PM and went to bed straight after. We needed to get ourselves recharged for another day full of activities... or so my dad had planned, but most of it was badly thwarted anyway.
We were supposed to see Bird's Nest Stadium, Water Cube, National Theatre, and a couple more I can't remember and guess what? We missed out on all that. EXCEPT! One very large and nice-looking museum full of semi-rotten, half-tarnished artifacts from a squillion years ago. Which was supposed to be fascinating, but in saturation it is just one word, boring. (Even my grandmothers find it boring, and if old people are bored by old things, that's saying something about how boring it really really is.) The only person who's really fascinated is probably my dad, and yet on a scale of 1 to 10 he's probably only on 6 or 7. Then we went shopping (Groan!) at what's that place I can't remember, just this bigass mall full of clothes and shoes. It's pretty interesting to note that the Mainland Chinese have already surpassed Singaporeans in fashion sense. And and and I bought books. SURPRISE, GUYS, I ACTUALLY BUY BOOKS! I bought five of Jimmy's picture books to fill my collection. I do have an obsession with Jimmy's books. I've finished 森林里的秘密 and 1. 2. 3. 木头人, now I'm reading Pourqoi? 布瓜的世界.
Now there's something interesting – we took a high-speed train back to Tang Gu. and by high-speed, I mean high-speed; the train zips through the city borders at 330km/h! And. We bought seats in the first-class cabin >: D.
And there marketh the end of my one night affair with Beijing.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
how's it goin'?
Ah. Tianjin.29th September - Arrival at 5+pm, off to my dad's apartment to drop off 4 bigass suitcases stuffed to near-exploding point full of coffee powder, biscuits, Myojo noodles, curry powder, shrimp paste, chilli sauce and wasabi peas for my poor homesick dad. (no, he isn't really homesick, I just threw that in to make him sound more 可怜) Had 17 vegetarian dumplings for dinner : P Hungry like fuck after a whole day on the plane.
30th September - 6 fucking AM and it's so fucking bright. The sun rises very very early here. Woken up by my grandmother's sleep-talking. Had 豆浆油条 for breakfast. The 油条 is about the length of my forearm (with fingers stretched out) and about the same thickness too. Wah lao eh. This day is a boring day. My dad thinks we love shopping. But apparently he was the only one shopping. We spent the whole day in two different departmental stores (with a gargantuan park smacked in between them) and our sole purpose is to follow my dad around and buy his stuff. And those damned salespeople work at turtle speed. Buying a juicer and a pot? Be prepared to take 2 hours just to process all the jibye forms and insurance and warranty etc. etc. etc... What's worse, everywhere is crowded, noisy, sandy, dusty, dirty, smelly, musty, just plain unbearable. At least the food isn't so bad, vegetarian options everywhere.
1st October - Even more boring. Lunch was lovely, actually, but 文化街 is full of people with no 文化 whatsoever. Cigarette smoke, spittle on the ground, litter on the ground every five steps (considered an improvement from litter carpeting the ground in the old days), people yelling at each other as if there's a whole mountain range in between when they're just side-by-side... I almost wanted to break down and cry in bitterness in there. AND MY DAD TOOK SUCH A LONG TIME BUYING USELESS THINGS WE'D SOONER OR LATER THROW AWAY ANYWAY. Later my dad's chauffeur, 曹师傅 (here you address chauffeurs by their surnames followed by 师傅), took us on an informal city tour in his Buick MPV. Tianjin City turns out to be quite a picturesque place with beautiful European-style buildings, harking back to Tianjin's old days as a city constantly being taken over by different powers within the League of Nations. Dinner was great too. Plus I discovered just how well I can hold my liquor — 3/4 cup of Tsingtao draft beer can make me tipsy. Thank goodness for the hour long car journey back to TEDA (which, by the way, stand for Tianjin Economical Development.... Area? Amenity... Aisle... Alamak!).
2nd October - Which is today. It's a resting day for us. Just some grocery shopping at Tesco and a nice home-cooked lunch at home, a joint venture between my two grandmothers: VEGETARIAN CURRY! Later we're might catch a show, or we might not. No idea. We'll be going to Beijing the day after.