Monday, December 31, 2007

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way."
- Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

Although it was about the French Revolution, I'd say it sums 2007 up pretty well too.

Never had one single year been so turbulent for me.

There was never a year so full of emotion like 2007. I dare say all my life's worth of emotions, troubles, frustrations, horrors and daunting self-discoveries are mostly concentrated in this unfortunate year.

Yet there were good times which, overshadowed by those overpowering troubled times, I failed to appreciate in its full glory, leaving me to lap up the aftertastes desperately as I try to beg good times to stay and not leave me. Good times are few and far between for me nowadays.

2007 was a very very long year for me. Preparation for the O-Levels was sheer hell because escapism was on my mind everyday. If I wasn't so young, if I knew there would be nothing else ahead of me, if I never knew it was a silly thing to do, I'd probably have died and all you people will be forced to realise that I, too, like everyone else, puts on a poker face for every second I am not alone, that I always try to pretend nothing is important, nothing is wrong, everything is well, and I absolutely love to joke, laugh, be dramatic like I seem to be and being all those things even my best and closest friends believed I was.

2007 has broken me down. It has turned me bitter, hard, cold, obsessed with escaping, lazy, tired, emotional, grouchy, violent and sinful. I tried so hard to treat O-Levels as nothing, as a careless trifle, as something that looks daunting but is not actually threatening at all, as something that can wait and I can keep procrastinating. But no. I realise I'm not the one procrastinating. Everything else in this world is. I violently whip and wallop the world around me like a stubborn donkey, but it doesn't do more than continue crawling at this pace. I became bitter when everything was being defiant towards me. No, no, I never tried to be defiant. I turn to being sinful to escape from the defiant world, to another imaginary utopia I can't quite describe. All 7 sins have been committed. Wrath, Greed, Gluttony, Sloth, Envy, Pride, even Lust. No, I'm not a sexpot, I'm just lusting after a lot of things which don't really matter. Closer in definition to greed, but much more... lustful.

I forgot a lot of things this year. I forgot I was fortunate. I forgot I was good. I forgot I was funny. I forgot everything I used to remember about myself. I learn new things about myself, however, that are much more scarier and less wonderful. I liken this to a bad mutation. I mutated into a monster with a very hollow heart. I scream at everyone, but I forgot my purpose for doing so. I turned down anyone who tried to help me, yet at times I yearned for help too, but usually that's when it never comes, or it does come but in a way that actually hurts more.

Maybe I should make a Best/Worst Of 2007 List. More therapeutic.

Start with the bad one then.

2007: The Worst
1. O-levels.
2. Fighting with my parents over priority issues.
3. My perception of many people (whom I love) around me has worsened. I've begun to see less strengths and more flaws in others. It seems so much easier to pick out what's wrong with everybody, even my own family members and close friends,and appreciating what's good about them seems so much harder than before.
4. Work. It's true that I've neither completed nor cared about any piece of homework since early 2006, but I still feel pressured by the workload. I still think it's a lot of work even though I'm not doing any. So the conclusion is, it's a lot of work to not do your work.
5. Discovering people (whom I do not share close relationships with) for who they really are. I used to want to keep respecting others because I felt that there's more to everyone than meets the eye, that everyone must have another dimension the public world doesn't see, but really, what you see is what you get. It's good if these people were good, but no. Not a single ounce of goodness in any of them. All stupid little fucks who think, "When I grow up I wanna be a corporate robot and serve the damn country!!". If you're one of those people, let me tell you the startling truth: You people have NO AMBITION, NO SPINE, NO MIND, NO DEPTH, NO LIFE.

2007: THE BEST
1. Getting over and done with O-levels.
2. Finally having no obligations and commitment whatsoever.
3. Pescatarianism.
4. Rediscovering my love for music and unearthing a new favourite genre - JAZZ.
5. Realising I'm everything the people in point 5 aren't. I have a lot more ambition than I'm letting on. I sure do have a spine. These things you're reading is only a very ery small fraction of my mind. Depth is up to you to judge, but I'm definitely deeper than a baby pool. I have a virtual life on The Sims 2; better than them.
6. Cutting off 70% of my hair. Long hair is a beautiful burden to carry. If you have hair longer than your shoulder blades, I pity you. Poor, poor you.
7. My hamster Vondy! She brings a lot of little happiness to my life. She's like my baby. Really. The week I was in Australia was painful without her around with me. I love you Vondy, 'cause YOU'S DA HAMSTAH.

That's a wrap. Goodbye, 2007!

Or rather...
























































































































FUCK OFF, 2007! I FUCKING HATE YOU! DON'T COME BACK EVER AGAIN, NOT EVEN IN MY DREAMS! YOU ARE ONE FUCKING YEAR I'D FUCKING LIKE TO FORGET, SO THE BEST YOU CAN FUCKING DO IS STOP EXISTING, STOP REPEATING, AND FUCK OFF!!!!!!!





Whew.

Friday, December 28, 2007

Linkin Park: AVAILABLE AT DIE CAST GUITAR DEALERS!

My first attempt at object recolouring in TS2! A SUCCESS! YAAAAY!!!
For those who don't know you can make stuff for your Sims to use/wear/decorate their houses with. If you're making recolours of an object, you're not modifying the basic structure or the uses of it, but you're just giving it new looks, colours or textures. To make a new object that's structurally different you have to make a mesh for the structure and recolours so you can have more colour options in-game. If you're making a completely, brand-new object that embodies new interactions, it's even more complicated 'cause you'd have to reprogramme the entire object or even hack the game to prevent possible glitches or unrealisms.

I have to admit this CD stack from AroundTheSims2.com is very easy to recolour. And fun! Export the texture file... shrink and paste all the album covers you want over the originals... and TA DAH! Your Sims' bedrooms or living rooms will have stacks of CDs that reflect their music tastes! YAAAAAY! And my Sim will have LP's CDs littered all over their desk! LIKE ME IN REAL LIFE! YAY!

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Frat Party at Pankake Festival... IS AWESOME.

I can't believe I actually found it.

And at the most unlikely place of all: CD-Rama at Causeway Point!

Seems like I get a lot of my LP stuff from CD-Rama outlets even though it's not really my favourite place to get CDs. But one thing: you wanna get something reeeeeaaaallly old (for instance, Frat Party at Pankake Festival was released in 2001, and Hybrid Theory was 2000), I guess you can't go wrong with CD-Rama. Just that don't expect to get Special Editions or first editions there. That one you'll have to head down to HMV (for instance the original cardboard version of Fort Minor's The Rising Tied instead of the CD+DVD version. Mind you I paid a fortune to have the cardboard version. $28!!!) but as I have mentioned they overcharge. A lot.

Frat Party at Pankake Festival is great if you liked Hybrid Theory a lot 'cause obviously, at the time of release that was the only mainstream album they've had. Bundled with it are good-quality music videos, loadsa interviews, funny stuff, etc. I haven't checked out the special features though, but the main content already looks so good. Sure, it's everything you could watch from YouTube, but watching it on your TV screen... it's just a different feeling, isn't it? It's just like watching a movie on DVD. Definitely feels better than watching on YouTube and having to tolerate the (at times) shitass quality of the videos.

However, at this point where LP has been out and about for 7 years now, Frat Party at Pankake Festival is something I wouldn't quite recommend for folks who see Minutes To Midnight or even just What I've Done as wholly representative of LP, partly because of the radically different style they have since taken on and, basically, for those who don't have a more thorough understanding of their evolution over the years, wouldn't appreciate this DVD or may even see it as something that's "not Linkin Park". But if you're a fan, it's not so bad. If you've followed them for ages you'd find the contents funny and very familiar. Rule of thumb is, you must be able to at least recognise each and every member. That way you won't get confused and put yourself through the kind of embarrassment I had during the bygone era when I couldn't tell the difference between Brad and Rob. Mind you, they used to look so similar.

So in short, Frat Party at Pankake Festival is not for LP beginners. Savvy?

Can I just say I had the worst Christmas ever?

Well second worst. Worst was last year.

This year it's bad because I was sick (and still am, motherfucking virus wouldn't budge), my parents weren't home, I was forced to stay indoors all day and nobody in my house believes in Christmas. Like Christmas to them is like any other day. Except you don't work.

Sigh. At least my Boxing Day wasn't so bad. Managed to find back my old love for making blogskins, quarrelled and patched up ten minutes later with my best friend, managed to get just a wee bit better than yesterday, had my parents back, received TWO HATS, one from my folks and one from my aunt, and er yes that's all the happiness I've got for this day. Oh and finding out I'm 16.94 years old.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I'm back!...

Okay fine not like people bother whether I'm alive or dead. Not like I want people to bother either.

Well I didn't really enjoy my holiday in Australia because!

1. It's a fucking tour group. I. Hate. Tour. Groups. 'Nuff said.
2. It's a fucking rude tour group I'm talking about. Snobby rude folks who don't even look at you if you were polite enough to say "hi" and act as if you must make way for them just because they have kids.
3. Three monkeys irritating you everyday.
4. Ridiculous theme parks. Even though Australian theme parks are awesome, but really, it's a twisted personality flaw of mine that prevents me from even liking theme parks. I just hate theme parks because it's so pointless. I wonder why morons put themselves on a carriage which is going to lay them perpendicular to the ground, 38 storeys high, or some gizmo that's gonna fling them all over and flog them senseless. I guess Dreamworld's... erm whatever that place was called, animal sanctuary was not bad because the kangaroos are just so cute and they roam freely, or Movie World's shops and architectural style and Seaworld's aquariums are not too bad, but beyond all this, it's sheer boredom for 6 hours for three days.
5. Having to adhere to a schedule I didn't plan. Seriously who the fuck wants to wake up at 5.30 in the morning just to go to the airport! Or who on earth wants to get up at 7 just for breakfast. I won't. Obviously. I'm a night creature and when I wake up so early, don't expect me to remain alert by 10am. Plus whose stupid idea was it to stay in a theme park for 6 fucking hours.
6. Not enough free and easy time. Well with an idiot like me tours shouldn't even be conducted. When in a foreign country you're supposed to experience the culture, not go to a stupid theme park when your tour guide tells you to. I seriously loved Surfers' Paradise, Gold Coast, the area we stayed in for much of the latter part of the holiday, but it's just horrible that I didn't have enough time to explore the area, and also I don't have the liberty to explore further because of the long-time reason that I'm young and stupid.
7. Losing my phone at Movie World.
8. The constant stream of criticism I get. Won't name who. Just so you know I am older than you and actually you shouldn't even be criticising me. Besides you're failing terribly at trying to outsmart me. I'm stupid but I realised that you can't even surpass the low levels of my intelligence. So just shut up and stop ruining my life. And if you stop, I will stop too.
9. Common cold has also taken my mood hostage. I hate being unable to eat anything I want or scream as loudly at some bumbling motherfuckers in my group. I hate coughing and sneezing so much AND STILL HAVING TO SURVIVE A DAY IN A NOISY, CROWDED AND TERRIBLY IDIOTIC THEME PARK.
10. No privacy. 'Nuff said.

Okay. Criticisms over. Now the nice bits about the tour.

1. Tobogganing on the sand dune in Desert Safari, Tangalooma Bay.
2. Managed to capture the explosion sequence on my Lomography camera in the Police Academy Stunt Show at Movie World.
3. Finally settling everyone's cards and gifts for Christmas.
4. Looking at the cute stingrays in the aquarium at Seaworld! They have smiley faces on the underside!
5. Feeding the emus and the ducks at Tropical Fruit Farm!
6. Feeding the kangaroos at Dreamworld!
7. When my phone was found by my tour guide's colleague and some mysterious Samaritan who placed it in the Lost and Found section.
8. Locking Zhi Hao in the balcony at the hotel room.
9. Walking along the beach and feeling the sand between my toes
10. Making a sand angel in Desert Safari
11. Meeting a 2 month-old Pomeranian puppy at Surfers' Paradise! He was so cute, scampering in the grass patch, twitching his tiny little nose at anything that moves! I talked to the owner (a young stocky lady in hot pink spandex and huge sunglasses) and she let me say hi to her puppy! I shook his little paw and he looked at me with that curious look on his face. SO CUTE!!!!
12. On the bus trip into the subtropical forest to see the glow worms on the night of 18th December, I looked out of the window and saw the beautiful, starry night sky, and Linkin Park's "My December" playing in my iPod. The whole atmosphere was awesome. I got so lost in that world of peace, beauty and melancholy.

Friday, December 14, 2007

A letter to the Victim of Norms

Grrr.

My life is getting nondescript.

Wish someone will pull me out of this life on the count of three.

One-

Two-

Three!

Darn, I'm still here. SANTA ARE YOU DOING YOUR JOB OR NOT!!!

Oh I get it. I've been naughty. Very naughty.

Let's look at my List of Shenanigans 2007

1. Scoring 33 for prelims,
2. Getting three F9s (for Chemistry, Amath and, surprise, surprise, Literature)
3. Getting last in class
4. Being every bit of the kid my folks never wished for
5. Being the antithesis of the kid my folks would ever wish for
6. Being temperamental all year long
7. Going all crazy for LP... at the wrong times.
8. Sleeping in every non-Ms Ow lesson since I lost my sanity in early February
9. Being asked by two teachers to drop their subject for being too lousy in their class
10. Last but not least failing to get into DPA.

Not that I care now anyways. I'm leading a good life of laughing at stupid mindless losers who are all about "safe options" and "serving the damn country" and "making money" and "are going to school because everybody else is".

Well you know what? The rat race is no safer. The corporate world is just as ruthless. The society in general is still full of shit. Safe options will backfire even though they're supposed to be safe.

I'm so sorry if my values conflict with yours, but really, I can't be bothered with you. Who are you to tell me what to do with my life? My values are to answer to myself and prove to myself I'm worth something. Not to prove to you, a complete nobody in my arrogant, cocky and somewhat vacant eyes, what I'm made of.

So there.

--

Urgh I'm so bored. I'd have looked forward to the trip so much if not for all the people I'd be missing and all the things that actually needs doing but I'm too fucking lazy and unmotivated to. Like my room. When was the last time you heard about my room? Well guess what, it's still not done. 50% not done. Plus I'm getting hungry. For everything. To go out and see the world. To do things that I want to do. To make the impossible possible. To kill people who deserve to die. To resurrect people who deserve to live. Maybe become a recluse. Maybe live a rock star alter ego. So many possibilities, so near, yet so far.

Why do I need people's approval to do the stuff I want? Technically, I don't. Technically, I shouldn't. I shouldn't even need to ask. 'Cause you don't ask me either. We should all just do what we need to do and wither away once we're done. What courtesy is there in asking anyway? You're still invading my privacy. What purpose is apologising? Can it undo what you've done? Can it make me forget the fact that you and I have ever crossed paths? Can it, really?

Why are people so nice and respectful to one another when they don't mean it? Why, like these despicable people, am I also wearing a mask? What am I hiding from you? My faceless identity, my shameless pride, my inflated self-esteem? What am I showing you then? A deliberately-orchestrated show of humility? Maybe to eat the humble pie in your face, only to turn around and regurgitate it later? Why do I have to look more stupid than I really am, just to let you take advantage of me? Why, if I feel like being direct I should. But no. I choose to pretend.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

"Contemplating my new evil plan to take over the world!"

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

YOU.

CHRIS GARVER IS YOUR PUSHERMAN.

So many things I wanna do... but what are the chances?

Got inspired by Kristy who got inspired by her friends to do up a wishlist! But a teeeny-weeny one for me!

1. Learn guitar
2. Throw out old clothes
3. Extra pair of jeans
4. Learn bass guitar
5. Learn drums (sorry, I'm fickle)
6. Easel
7. Canvas
8. Paints
9. Better desk
10. Better wall colour
11. Drawing lessons
12. The Sims 2 Seasons
13. The Sims 2 Bon Voyage
14. Banish my permanent holiday ennui
15. Digital camera (see what's on the market)
16. For each day to last 48 or 72 hours instead of 24
17. A year's supply of Starbucks coffee
18. Turn my hair electric blue
19. Black-and-grey portrait tattoo by Kat Von D
20. ANY sort of tattoo by Chris Garver
21. For somebody, ANYBODY to come and teach me all sorts of stuff I wish I could do but cannot.
22. Lefty guitar!
23. Lefty bass guitar!
24. An eye for inspiration

And last but not least

25. Lefty scissors.

Okay I'm out.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

My tees are here! WHEE!

Meme time! This one's from Sherilyn. Haven't done one in a loooong time.

So here we go:

Seven Things That Scares You
1. Extremely loud thunder
2. Stalkers
3. Death
4. Horrible, horrible deaths
5. Being made to feel useless
6. Being photographed on a bad hair day
7. Labelling people ("oh you're emo, he's punk, they're ganguro, she's a riotgrrl, etc.") UNLESS they've already labelled themselves first.

Seven Things That You Like The Most
1. LINKIN PARK!!! (well sorry that they're unintentionally classified under 'Things', but they don't exactly belong to 'celebrity crushes'...)
2. Vondy the amazing licking pearl winter white hamster (once again, I apologise for unintentionally classifying her as a 'thing'...)
3. The Sims 2 + ALL EXPANSION PACKS
4. The iPod Nano which originally belongs to my cousin Ziyan
5. Jeans that I weathered myself.
6. Hillbilly checked shirt
7. Black hoodie!!

Seven Most Important Things In Your Room
1. Grandmother
2. Bed
3. I/C
4. Money
5. EZ-Link card
6. Guitar (because it's the most expensive thing in my room)
7. iPod Nano!!

Seven Random Facts About You
1. I have enough colour pencils to last me a lifetime
2. I hate pink rooms and I sleep in one x_x
3. I register pictures faster than text
4. I'm a Southpaw
5. I'm left-footed
6. I have an obsession with correcting other people's English or Chinese... sorry! MUST... RESIST... URGE! (Disclaimer: My English is not perfect. So is my Chinese.)
(Random note: there were some slight grammatical and spelling errors in the questions... smoothened all that out!)
7. I'm proud of the fact that I was last in class for prelims n_nV. Hurrah for 33 points!

Seven things you plan to do before you die
1. Learn to play drums
2. Learn to play bass guitar (a lefty one at that)
3. Learn to play guitar (lefty please and no classical guitar)
4. Write a good play or script for a movie
5. Dye my hair in as many colours as possible
6. Get tattooed by CHRIS GARVER!!
7. Learn to skate ><

Seven Things You Can Do
1. Draw (not fantastic at it though)
2. Write in Blackletter Gothic without reference
3. Do an impersonation of Mike's fish gag (the one who got 'Chester from Leenkeen Pahrk's autogram')
4. Force-belch
5. Memorise everything in 'The Italian Man Who Went To Malta'... ookay nothing amazing.
6. Raise an eyebrow
7. Errmmmm no idea on what else I can do...

Seven Things You Can't Do
1. Sing high notes (just to give you an idea I have the same range as most male Mandopop singers)
2. Read twitty handwritings
3. Get stage fright
4. Pass Amath or Chemistry
5. Force-fart
6. Read musical notes
7. Stop Vondy from licking me!!!! (and I'm happy I can't!)

Seven Things That Attracts You To The Opposite Sex
1. High EQ
2. At least two common interests (so if we get bored of one topic we can talk about another! When we get bored again we can switch back!)
3. Taller than me! (not difficult since I'm just over 5 foot, even a short guy will be taller than me)
4. ?
5. ?
6. ?
7. ?
(Because attraction is an intuitive thing for me... and I don't have enough experience to track down what attracts me! The three listed are like OBVIOUS things that most people would go for when it comes to the opposite sex anyway.)

Seven Things That You Say The Most
1. "Erm..."
2. "I was like..."
3. "That's like so fucking (adjective)!"
4. "I don't know about you, but for me..."
5. "Sheeeeesh-ah!"
6. "Don't know."
7. "Yeah, so?"

Seven Songs You've Recently Listened To
1. In Pieces
2. No Roads Left
3. With You
4. Crawling
5. Carousel
6. Easier To Run
7. Step Up/Nobody's Listening/It's Goin' Down
(All by Linkin Park! If I could I'd have listed EVERYTHING.)

Seven Movies You've Recently Watched
1. Fred Claus (lousy; don't watch unless you like cheesy movies)
2. The Simpsons Movie (AWESOME!)
3. King Kong (not bad... but I watched for Adrien Brody!)
4. Austin Powers in Goldmember
5. Ed Wood
6. The Secret Window
7. Moulin Rouge

Seven Celebrity Crushes
1. ADRIEN BRODY!!! (He's hot. 'Nuff said. Oh and he has a cute nosie. Nice, big and crooked)
2. Mr. Hahn!! (for his mad skills and his 'Aah! Gojirra!')
3. Brad Delson ('cause of his funny 'fro and yep, he's got skills too.)
4. Okay the whole of LP... otherwise there'll be no more space for other celebrity crushes if I mentioned all of them individually... though Joe Hahn and Brad Delson deserve the individual mention! 'Cause I like! And it's MY blog!)
5. Michael Buble (mainly his voice)
6. Nicole Kidman (She's hot okay!)
7. Chris Nunez! But he isn't as skillful though. But he has awesome eyes...

AND!

Meet Brandy!


And her live-in girlfriend, Jaden!


And their pet, Midnight!


Brandy is my hottest Sim to date.


That's all for now! Bye!

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

OH and Clarice's bunny



*cuteness overload*

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Here cometh my grandma.

But she understands n_n.

So she'll get me up at 7am tomorrow and I'll continue spring... erm more like winter-cleaning.

Well so far my desk is done (if you don't count the displaced junk temporarily residing on it), four shelves of the first bookshelf is done, my thingofabomb-container (just a tiny chest of drawers for necklaces, rings and earrings which I can't wear no more) has been reorganised, placed my Sugar Plum Fairy doll in a black shoe box and threw out four big bags of paper. That's about half the amount of paper I use in a decade.

Some things that intrigue me:

I have at least TEN boxes of colour pencils... which amounts to about a few hundred pencils and thousands of colours... How the hell did I end up with that many over 16 years, I don't know!

I think I had an obsession with needles when I was a kid. Found bundles and bundles of them hidden in all sorts of nooks and crannies.

I found $21! $19 found randomly stashed in a corner in the thingofabomb container and $2 from an ang pow I forgot to open ages ago. I'm rich!
(Well $21 is a lot for me, okay! It would be my everything for a week if I was still in school.)


Oh well. I hate winter cleaning. Driving me completely dotty and depriving me of sleep. I didn't sleep until 7... 7.10 AM to be exact. And when I got up at 1pm I had brunch and continued until 9pm. And I'm still not done. Not even 50% done. GRRRR. Sometimes I got so frustrated I felt like crying. Sigh. Especially when I dig up old stuff that reminds me of old grudges and old mistakes. Oh actually the old grudges part makes me laugh more than cry. I don't know. I apologise for being terminally weird.

Sunday, December 2, 2007

News and Muse

Good news: Because of all the pipe works right in front of my doorstep (those who don't get it, it's literally at my doorstep - we couldn't park our car in the porch), my noise-and-chaos-phobic grandmother decided to postpone her stay at my house, leaving me more time to clear out my room!

(I admit - like all those pre-O-Levels mugging, I tend to take extra-extra long breaks just to escape the reality of doing it. I can't possibly forget to be lazy in times like this... especially when 'tis the season to be lazy.)

Muses.

1. Once after a whole day at my friend's place for project work I was at the bus-stop waiting in uncertainty for a bus to come, my mum called. I accidentally recorded the entire phone conversation by pressing the camera button on my phone while talking. After that I listened to the entire conversation again I realised I'm such an impatient person. My mother merely asked things like, "Is there a direct bus home?", "You're gonna get home by yourself right?", "Do you need Dad to come and pick you up?", etc., etc., etc., and I was so impatient I just ended up saying "Mmm. Mmm. MMMMMM.". I used to dismiss her whenever she says, "You young people get so irritated when we ask just one more question." But now I think it's true. I keep the audio file so perhaps it'll be a constant reminder to mind my temper and be a little more patient.

2. Last night's Miami Ink featured a plus-sized model and a man who likes fat women. Being a little on the heavy side myself I always felt the pinch, especially when rotundness is rather uncommon in my family, but after watching them getting tattoos together and listening to what they talked about in the show, I thought - yes - why do people feel negative about fatness? With the exception of some cases, if one is just fat, that's that. People come in all shapes and sizes. As the model puts it, "My tattoo's a pin-up girl, she's beautiful and just happens to be fat!"

3. Even though I have a two or three months ahead of me (I'm not schooling for the first few weeks of 2008), I still feel that time is short... too short for real work that is! Many times I just want to coop myself up at home and play The Sims 2 all day long for six weeks straight. There are times when I wished I could just walk on the street and buy a pair of jeans and a plain grey/brown hoodie without having someone next to me giving his/her piece of mind (i.e, "The price isn't right", "It's made in China", "It looks so boyish", "Are you sure it's worth it", "Who told you to buy stuff here").

4. After I clear out my room I might buy some supplies and live out my dream of being an artist. I've been wanting so badly to be an artist since I was a kid and I picked up a crayon to record a fragment of my imagination for the first time. I want to be a recluse - I don't want people picking on my stuff or praising me to the skies anymore. There's no more truth in them anymore. People lie. They do. I want to approve of myself, I want to accept myself before I put my balls on the table for all to see and judge. Perhaps I could still let the world judge me and try to pick out what they think is shit, but I don't care - I don't want to care - because ultimately, I am answerable to myself and only myself. A country can have laws, but I don't answer to that - I am my own judiciary system and I am my own judge.

5. Likewise, who am I to judge people? I used to have a whole lotta opinions about others and make it a point to tell the world but I stopped publicising most of it already 'cause it's pointless. Ultimately you don't like people because they are who they are and not the things they do.

6. The only one judgement that I still think is dead true and not afraid to say it is people lie. They always lie. They lie so much they've forgotten who they really really are: a speck in the entire galaxy nobody gives a fuck about. I used to wish people would give a fuck about me too, but it's pointless. What else do they do when they give a fuck about you? Nothing. They just stand there and ask you, "Are you quite done? We're busy people with lives to lead. You want fuck, we give fuck. Period." . So I stopped craving for people's attention already, and now I choose to pay attention to myself and not to other people who apparently 'have lives to lead'. If I am in trouble, I'm the real saviour to myself, and no one else.

Standing alone with no direction
How did I fall so far behind
Why am I searching for perfection
Knowing it's something I won't find

In my fear and flaws
I let myself down again
All because
I run
Till the silence splits me open
I run
Till it puts me underground
Till I have no breath
And no roads left but one

-Linkin Park: No Roads Left

Saturday, December 1, 2007

DONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDOINGSONGDRGNOPERHW4POTW09FR42R32572!@#%#$%$&%^@@@401$!@)%@^)#^8251!!!!

This






is





INFURIATING





For five whole days. Morning till noon till night till the next day.

DONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONG.

Jackhammers operating at full force.

Trucks obstructing the front.

Drilling all day long.

RIGHT



IN



FRONT



OF



MY



DOORSTEP!!!!!!!!!



And I'm not allowed to go out because I'm still not done clearing my room.



AAARRRGGGHH!!



Five continuous days of DONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONG.

I wish pipes didn't need no replacement.

But... on the other hand, there are poor folks who live near construction sites and suffer this kind of noise for YEARS.

Then there are the poor construction workers who work with this kind of noise for a good part of their lives.

Poor folks.

Compared to the stuff they go through I'm like super lucky.

Sigh.

DONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONGDONG.

Shan't -DONG! -complain -DONG! -no -DONG! -more! -DONG!!!