NVP Final Project shoot was pretty fun, though it's not without bumps and grinds along the way.
Some personality clashes here and there, some deep-shit situations to deal with, but we've got through all that, and we're still a team, all of us are still in one piece : D
My job there was to do the slate and production field log, though due to difficulties juggling both, I sometimes pass the job to Yong Hao or anyone who's willing to help to do logging while I "struggle" to put the slate within the frame : P Hey, not an easy feat for someone as clumsy as me okay! I'm happy enough that I haven't broken any stuff or fucked anything up yet. I swear I might commit one major fuckup or a few tiny fuckups here and there during the editing.
Speaking of fuckups... I fucked up LocPro... WritComm... AudioTech... SocPsyh... CATS... shit... that's almost everything! LocPro is a serious fuckup 'cause it's a failing grade so far, if I fuck up the written test, I'm fucked. I'd like to start SocPsyh journal now because it's due on Monday (and I only knew it was due then on Friday, no thanks to my perpetual detachment from the harsh reality), but I'm just too tired (and I honestly can't be bothered) to go and get started on the journal. What am I supposed to write about? What am I supposed to do? Why do I have to do this?
Sigh. I do know it isn't good to keep being so detached from reality, to be so blur and keep on not knowing anything, to be so lazy and unmotivated, but I don't know what to do about that. I have to stop switching off or else I'd die trying to pass a single module. Right now I'm riding on everyone's talents and abilities in group work to keep my grades up. All my individual work usually looks smoky or just damn fucked up, and I really cannot concentrate in class. It's not because of anything in particular, it's just that I can't see how much my attention is needed. Yes, lecturers tell me, this is important. But relatively speaking, if everything is "important", everything will have equal status, and in that case, how can anything be more important than others in the end?
So should I just buck up? A little bit? A bit more? Should I just ignore everything and not give a shit? I know, maybe if I really really try I can squeeze something out, that will save my life in FSV in the end? It's understandable and perfectly reasonable that I should be one of the worst in class in terms of grades. But sometimes it's nice for a change if I could step up a little. Maybe show the world and myself that, hey, I can be more than just what you already can see of me.
That day I told Clarice that the most important thing in my life is peace and love. Without peace, things cannot be resolved properly, life cannot move on smoothly, happiness will be much harder to achieve. Without love, people can break down, get hurt (severely), feel destructive, and all sorts of unpleasant things can happen.