Tuesday, April 22, 2008

... Whaaaa?!

I'm falling asleep? No, no, no, no, no.... I'm fine... I'm fine........ I am not falling asleep lulllllzzzzz.

Argh, The Spanish Matador of Boredom is here!!! >.< gottagokthxbai!!!!!!!111!!11!!11!!!1!!oneoneone

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Terribly uneventful weekend. Too man things to worry about. I turn to retail therapy for solace.

Surprising eh? I'm about the third or second last person you'd ever think to find retail therapy, well, therapeutic. But it does, if it's out of necessity.

For instance my lack of good wearable clothes have driven me to the point of insanity, so retail therapy serves its purpose. Yesterday I bought a shirt from Giordano ($49 is a complete rip-off, really, but it's the only nice shirt in the whole mall) and that nice pair of trousers I've been eyeing since my last trip to Muji. It's a pair of dark brown tweed baggy trousers with button-on suspenders! XD plus I got a discount for it. Instead of $69 I paid $48.50 instead. Go figure.

Right now I'm at Coffee Bean at Toa Payoh Hub, charging up Xero and waiting for drama class to start at around 2PM. I know you know I don't like Coffee Bean, but compared to many others Coffee Bean is still not the worst (for instance, KFC...). Okay fine they're two different classes of F&B outlets, but still, I just like to take this chance to say that KFC sucks!

The past week (prior to the weekend) was pretty good for me! It's rare for people to learn anything at all on the first week of school, but here, I'm running out of capacity to store all the content I'm learning, I need an external hard disk soon! Plus I've never walked into a class so full of nice, friendly, approachable and easygoing people, no cliques, no groups, just one whole class of 15 kids from different schools and different backgrounds, with different interest but one thing in common, we're FSV students.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Oh whaddya know. Bloggin' from school third time in a row.

You can't blame me, my schedule is slaughter + murder + nightmare!

If you JC kids think poly kids have it easy, I certainly am not!

So about yesterday. My first Audio Tech tutorial (WritComm tutorial is too fucking brainless to talk about) was a completely frightening experience.

It's interesting, yes, but scary. On the other hand it makes me really, really, really appreciate people who work behind the scenes now. Oh boy now I have this certain subliminal hate for useless actors (and I am an actor, mind you, albeit not a film/TV actor).

So, yup, I kinda slightly screwed things up, but hey, I am a freshman bitch who doesn't know nothin'!

Sigh. The week so far has been pretty tiring and exhausting, usually due to travelling. Everyday when I get home, my legs can hardly support my weight, my shoulders feel like play-dough, my eyelids are glued half-shut by tiredness and basically I suffer from sleep withdrawal. I'm not that deprived of sleep per sé, because it's not like I'm only getting less than two hours of sleep, but rather, I'm so used to excessive sleeping, I'm kinda addicted to that pleasant, flighty feeling of being nowhere in particular. Plus it's hard to sleep well now that there's too much on my mind; I often hang in there, between sleep and wakefulness, hearing the A/C hum and precious sleep-time flying past my ears. Then a loud thud and I have to wake up to reality again.

But still, it wasn't as bad as secondary school. Back then, I was apathetic about what I was supposed to learn. I hated or disliked everything, except for a few good aspects of school life, mostly friends-related. I often just slept through school anyway; by the start of my last semester in secondary school, I think my teachers have seen me sleep more than stay awake. I think they couldn't even be bothered to wake me up by then.

But here it's a different story. It only superficially feels the same — the tiredness, the complaints and the dreading. On a deeper level, however, at least I can see that most, if not all, that I'm learning here are of interest to me. (The same must never be said for IS and WritComm) My classmates and I, we're kinda equal here and there. No such thing as being here because "I was streamed to the worst class in the level", nobody "doesn't want to be here at all". I don't know them well, and they know little of me too, but from what I see, everyone's nice and friendly, very unlike the kind of shitass motherfuckers we get in Zhonghua, the kind who are nothing but grades, sycophantic strangers who'd rather die than rise above the norm, spineless creatures who have no more to their lives than calculus, essays, and theories. Luckily I don't get fuckwads like them here in FSV. The same can't be said for FMS, or NP. I had lectures with kids from MCM or DVFX, they are fuckwads with serious intelligence deficiency and cerebral damage.

Class starts in less than 10 minutes. Gotta go, kthxbai!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Day Two at School

Yes, and with some FSV content finally. Even my Audio Tech lecturer thinks IS is "crap".

So once again, it's early in the morning, 8:25AM on my watch, waiting for my 9AM Social Psychology lecture... I was so frickin' tired after surviving the trip home (with the help of my aunt), I slumped on the couch at 7-plus and woke up at 8 for dinner, went to print some lecture shit until 12-plus then settled into an uneasy sleep. I'm sure you understand now why I didn't blog, didn't go on MSN, etc. etc. etc.

Okay so about yesterday: first lecture in the morning was Audio Technology Production, usually just referred to as Audio Tech. And first lecture in the morning my lecturer proceeded to scare us with some scary stuff. Stuff like how other schools can slack off the first week, but we can't in FMS, how all the content in the Audio Tech module is equivalent to an entire diploma course in the same field, how we are the "flagship school" and the "only legal media school" in this country and etc., etc., etc. . and after all the scary details, he then tells us that all the equipment have enough buttons to scare off a tyrannosaurus rex because that's what it's supposed to do, scare people by looking scarily complicated. He assured us that those equipment were actually easy to operate. Then immediately, he starts teaching us technical jargons half of which I have already forgotten! Thank god for downloadable slides from the portal. Overall the lecture was.... pretty interesting. About 50 times better and ∞ times more relevant that *shudders* IS...

Next lecture was Location Production... and the content of this lecture is completely unrelated to the last. (Of course, we're talking about two different modules!) So after we're done with dealing with some audio tech concepts and jargon (which the lecturer likens this job to teaching a blind man about colour), the Location Production lecturer (who is short, plump, bald, and Spanish to boot) then educates us, the blissfully ignorant bunch of spoon-fed kids, all about cameras. ƒ-stops, depth of focus, lenses, exposure and other technical jargon that I, too, can't remember. His English isn't bad but sometimes he speaks too fast or too softly and I had to rely heavily on the slides to understand what's going on. And I thought I could find some information on the portal... all I found was a document on rules and regulations and a compulsory book list.

Speaking of books, don't think just because I'm "in ur poly bloggin on ur puter" means I don't have to bring books altogether. WRONG. I have to buy BOOKS. I have lists of books to buy (or borrow, steal, rob, etc.) for some modules. And they're (as my Audio Tech lecturer puts it) "not very expensive" at around $20-$30 (HELLO?!!?!?!!!1111!11!1!!!1oneone We don't earn as much as you do!).

After lunch with Clarice and Wei Ning (YIPPEE! But poor them, they didn't like their classes), we went for a combined lecture on Written Communication, which I seriously liken to a more sycophantic form of English classes with the Ow. It's seriously boring. Seriously. And I do realise why both of them hated their classes... those motherfuckers really laughed at every single lame joke the lecturer tells. Even worse than the sexual innuendoes that my IS lecturer uses. Seriously.

Okay shit class is starting gotta go KTHXBAI

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

ENCOUNTERS OF THE KINKY KIND

First day of school yesterday was totally boring. All we did was IS modules which are completely unrelated to FSV. Just so I can be "all-rounded". Well people have clearly overlooked the fact that a Jack of all trades is usually a master of none.

And I must be the most unlucky person on campus yesterday. First day of school, even before I start my first lesson, who do I meet outside my classroom?

KINKY KEITH.

YES, YOU DIDN'T GET ME WRONG. IT'S THE WING KIONG. THE KEITH. THE KINKY KEITH.

OF ALL THE LOSERS IN NP (NP has a lot of losers mind you), I BUMP INTO KINKY KEITH.

WHY?!?!?!!!!!111!!1!!11oneoneoneone

KK: *bombastic voice* "Hi! It's so surreal~"
Me: "Erm... hi..." *WANTS TO RUN AWAY*

KK: *bombastic voice* "How have you been??"
Me: *forces a smile* "Erm... good..."
KK: *bombastic voice* "You're in FMS right???"
Me: *boredly* "Yahh..." *looks away*
KK: *even more bombastic voice* "GOOD! IT'S THE BEST MEDIA SCHOOL IN SINGAPORE AS FAR AS POLYTECHNICS GO!!!!"
Me: "... .... ... I see..." *looks away some more*

KK: *turns to look in my direction... which happens to be the Convention Centre.* "Hmm, it's so noisy there, wonder what's going on???"
Me: "I don't know." *turns to look at wall*

KK: *resumes bombastic voice* Oh by the way do you know where the FMS building is???
Me: "There." *points randomly*
KK: *bombastic voice* "YES! It's right there, up the hill and to the left!! That's where the IS office is as well!!"
Me: "... ... ..."

KK: *cheerfully and bombastically* "Okay, I've to go and prepare a classroom, hope we'll meet again!!!!"
Me: "BYE."

(Kinky bounces away happily into the classroom next door)

Me: *COUGH-GAG-SWALLOWS-FEELS NAUSEOUS-TRIES NOT TO VOMIT*

(A staff search later confirmed my worst nightmares - Kinky Keith is currently a lecturer in IS. : O)

Now I'm outside my lecture hall. There's another 15 minutes to go before class starts. Sighhhh....

Hope today will be better than yesterday.

[For those that don't know, Kinky Keith used to teach me English for 6 months in ye olde school. He's often feared and disliked for his over-enthusiastic and creepily-cheerful demeanor, useless teaching skills and possesses the ultimate G-factor, G for Gross and Gagging. Believe me, he's the last person you'd ever want for an English teacher.... or a co-form.]

Sunday, April 13, 2008

You Scored an A

You got 10/10 questions correct. It's pretty obvious that you don't make basic grammatical errors. If anything, you're annoyed when people make simple mistakes on their blogs. As far as people with bad grammar go, you know they're only human. And it's humanity and its current condition that truly disturb you sometimes.

Savvy? Now you know how much of a Grammar Bitch I am.

You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right? But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

Weird, and touchy about lousy grammar. Not a good combination.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Hmm. School's officially starting on next Monday. I don't know whether to rejoice or not.

Why should I rejoice? My first day in Ngee Ann proved to be disastrous. Spent two fucking hours travelling to school only to realise that the so-called orientation was for happy campers only. Fuck happy campers, I already said I was there for vital information and nothing else. And they laughed at me. Like, hello? Some people mean business. I don't tolerate all those networking nonsense and let's-have-fun-camaraderie idiocy that is meant for happy campers. And happy campers tend to be so happy, they're often just mindlessly doing things perceived as happy, rather than doing things that make them truly happy. I need to work in order to reach true happiness. That's why I don't do no fracking "Orientation Camp".

And in the first place Orientation [insert any activity that requires huge groups of happy campers], in my opinion, is for spoon-fed motherfuckers who can't read maps, can't understand directories, only know how to blindly follow rules and tried-and-tested formulae, and are often just simply happy with whatever shit the so-called higher authorities dish out to them. In the first place, there is a student portal. Why do you need to go to some fucking Orientation Camp to, well, get orientated? Can you not use the student portal to find out everything you need to know? Do you not know at least basic navigation skills to get around one of the smallest Polytechnic campuses around, or for that matter, any campus ranging from the size of a football field to the total land mass of North and South America combined? Even if you can't read maps and directories, do you not have a mouth and a brain to ask people logical questions and ears and brain to listen and process their replies? See what I mean about happy campers attending those camps?

If one tells me Orientation Camps are for networking, I am terribly sorry, but if you need an Orientation Camp to make friends with people or at least even know their names, I can deduce a couple of facts about you:

• You are a creature that cannot survive if your Number-Of-People-Shook-Hands-With quota falls below 10 a day.


• Three years in the same school, and you don't even know a single alphabet in your classmates' names? Wow, you're really really socially inept. Even a fracking ignoramus would know more than you in three months than you do in a year.


• Put simply, you just can't survive with what little friends you already have, you want more, more MORE!!!

HAH. Am I right or am I right?

Okay enough about the bad bits... here comes the not-so-negative bits.

I might rejoice, because the modules, in my oftentimes self-doubt-tainted opinions, either look alrighty-interesting, or plain easy to pass. I don't know for sure which is why I have to get to school first to find out.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

We love you Foamy.

Bless the beasts and the children...
For in this world they have no voice
They have no choice...

Bless the beasts and the children...
For the world can never be
The world they see...
Light their way
When the darkness surrounds them
Give them love
Let it shine all around them...

Bless the beasts and the children...
Give them shelter from a storm
Keep them safe
Keep them warm...

Light their way
When the darkness surrounds them
Give them love
Let it shine all around them...

Bless the beasts and the children...
Give them shelter from a storm
Keep them safe
Keep them warm...

Bless The Beasts and The Children by The Carpenters

I was tearing up as I heard this song on my iPod.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Foamy is gone.

Rest in peace my dear Foamy... you're the first bunny I have ever ever ever befriended in my life. You're one of the most adorable honeys that ever came into the lives of Clarice, Wei Ning and me, especially Clarice's.

I still remember day one with you. March 15th 2007.

It was the March holidays. Wei Ning had invited Clarice and I for a sleepover. We were going to cross Bishan Park when all of a sudden I caught sight of something black and white and furry with long ears hopping in the field.

"BUNNY!"

And immediately we realised, someone heartless must've abandoned you. Some unkind soul just left you there, with nothing but a cardboard box. We knew a domestic rabbit couldn't survive under such harsh conditions, what with all the monkeys and dogs in the park that could attack you, the weather... we knew we had to get you somewhere safe.

Of course you didn't trust us at first. Why would you? People in your life had let you down. They abandoned you. Why should you trust us humans? We ended up chasing a few good rounds around the field, across the carpark, under the bridge. You went everywhere. Hiding in potholes, scurrying under a slab of ant-infested cement, even hopping under the bridge where you risked a fall into the deep canal. A kind man with his wife and kids even stopped by to help us get you. He wanted you safe too. He managed to catch you in the very same cardboard box you were abandoned in, and handed it to us.

Wei Ning then called her dad to pick us up, because, honestly, how are we going to cross six lanes of rush-hour traffic with a frightened, cold and hungry bunny in a damp cardboard box that's going to give way anytime? We made our way rather slowly and gingerly to the sidewalk to wait for Wei Ning's dad when, without warning, you hopped out of the box and escaped again. Once again, you sent us running all over the field, trying to get you back in, trying to assure you that we ain't gonna hurt you, and in that same defiant attitude you've always had, you just won't.

Perhaps you got tired, perhaps you got hungry. Finally we could approach you without having you run away from us. I remembered we had nuts. Organic ones. So we offered you some, and you accepted them, munching quietly, while we told you things were gonna be okay. We ain't gonna hurt you. We ain't gonna abandon you. We'll give you food and shelter, but first be nice and cooperate, alright? And we had you back in the box in no time.

Not without leaving large, deep teeth marks in my finger, of course. Foamy never surrenders easily.

You were so scared, we could see that in your eyes. You were shaking with fear, shuddering with every hump and bump Wei Ning's dad's car drove over. Each of us wanted to put a reassuring hand on your back, but we risked getting teeth marks on our fingers!

Finally we got home. Everyone who was present looked on curiously. A rabbit? Abandoned in a park?

We housed you in one of Wei Ning's old and bigger birdcages. We couldn't really think of what to feed you, so we asked for some green leafy vegetables. Immediately you behaved like a punk — you chewed on the leaves, but you wouldn't eat the stalks, not even for nuts!

And you looked like a punk too — black fur around each eye, just like dark eye make-up; shaggy black and white fur; and, one of the most distinct features of yours ever, a black-and-white mohawk in between those beautiful ears. That mohawk was truly your trademark!

And we wanted to give you a name, a gender-neutral one because we couldn't tell if you were a boy or a girl rabbit. Then I had a brainwave.

"Let's call you Foamy then, since you're such a badass punk like Foamy the Squirrel!"

The next day, we got up real early (which is quite a miracle for us) and went down to Thomson Plaza to get you stuff you need - food, water-bottle and shampoo, and went home and tried to give you a bath.

Three girls. One rabbit. No rules.

It was even more exhausting than running a marathon; you skipped and hopped and kicked and scratched and peed so much, we ended up getting more shampoo and water on ourselves than we did on you.

I still remember — Wei Ning with the shower head, Clarice with the shampoo, and me with the towel. You definitely lived up to your namesake.

When we finally did get you significantly cleaner, it was time for us to part. Or, at least, my mom asked me to go and meet her in Orchard Rd. And of course when I asked I was disallowed to keep you. In the end, we decided you'd live with Clarice, and in retrospect I guess it couldn't have been better. I still remember how Clarice asked her brother, "You want a pet rabbit?" and Claven said yes. And Clara didn't mind. Their mother had no choice! But Auntie came to adore you so much too. Pretty much everyone you knew did.

I still remember how sometimes after school I would go to Clarice's house and we'd pretend to study Chemistry, then when Auntie isn't looking we'd go play with you, stuff you with treats and fruits, chase you round and round and clean the couch where you loved to "make your mark". I'd end up staying well past my curfew of 7 and then poor Auntie would have to send me home.

In a way I have you to thank for letting me meet my Vondy. If not for you, Clarice wouldn't have to go down to Frankie's shop to get your supplies, and I wouldn't know of his shop, and I wouldn't have the chance to meet Vondy and bring her home. It's really sad you never really got to meet Vondy, but thank you, Foamy, for giving me the opportunity to meet Vondy. You two would've been wonderful friends even though you didn't like hamsters, because whenever Clarice goes to her grandma's house and play with hamsters, you'd get so jealous! That I call a typically sweet Foamy.

The last time I was with you was in February, a few weeks before your "birthday". You behaved so well, save for a some growling and occasional mood-swings. You made yourself right at home at Wei Ning's house. Wei Ning's grandma was so happy to see you again, so overjoyed you had come to visit. Mean little you didn't finish the banana she gave you, but at least you were so sweet during your stay at Wei Ning's. You even went to sniff and lick Wei Ning when she drank her Bacardi Breezer too fast and passed out on the couch. We were watching Beetlejuice at 2AM and drinking Bacardi Breezer and eating junk food.

The next day, Auntie offered to drive me home. You were behaving so well in the car, which wasn't always the case. Auntie and Clarice of course knew you could be worse.

We swerved round Begonia Rd, and all of a sudden you hopped over to me and sat on my lap, and looked at me with those pleading eyes. You didn't want me to go.

"So sorry, Foamy, but I have to go... but I'll see you soon, I promise, okay?"

I love you Foamy.

7th April 2008, 9:32PM: Edited - it's "Bunny!" now.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Eargh. Banned from going out. AGAIN.

Just because:

1. I go out more than once a month?
2. My grandmother is here? (I don't hate her presence or even hate that she's stuffing pillows tomorrow. I just hate that my life has to come to a complete pause. I wouldn't have wanted to desert my grandma for friends, but the way they put it, it's as if I've gone berserk and completely ignored the needs of my family. I HAVE NOT.)
3. It's the same bunch of people? (Is it my fault, or anyone else's, that I have these wonderful friends I can trust and rely on? Is it a problem that we've grown attached to each other? Is it even a crime to want to see them at least once a fortnight? How would you feel if you had to reject your friends, time and time again, just to "be safe and sound" and "be mature and grown-up"? How would you feel if you were one of those friends I have to reject time and time again just so I could keep one side from boiling over another?)

I don't know why life hasn't changed since I became 15. I don't know why, now, I have time, and I am not utilising them the way I want to. Sometimes it's not because I'm lazy. Sometimes it's not even because of me. It's just starting to make me feel like whatever I say is worthless because I am theirs to command, to boss around; I come when I'm called and I leave when I'm sent away. Or rather I never get sent away; I'm just left here to my own devices, except I must follow their rules.

I'm so sorry this sounds so pubescent, but if things haven't changed since you were pubescent I think it's hard for you to not whine over any other issue. I know it sounds so cheesy and dumb and I just sound like a stupid ignorant brat whining my head off and wasting oxygen but, really, I feel like a caged bird. Not just any bird; maybe a worthless little bird that's going to die soon anyway, so the owner chose to cage it up to save the effort of calling the animal police should this bird go missing.

I'm so terribly bored I want to cry. I'm so bored and apathetic of this life that if reincarnation was a certainty, I'll kill myself now. Everyday I wish something will change, so that my life will change too.

Now I see. I see that my parents staying in Tianjin for three years isn't so bad after all. Now I want it to come soon, so I can prove my worth and my standing in this clan. I may be lowly now. I may be worthless now. But give me that chance, oh boy, everyone will be bowing down to me by summer of next year.

I want to leave.

I want to leave.

I want to leave. And live.

You know how leave and live sound kinda alike? They sound alike for a reason. They sound alike because without one, the other will never be. To live you must leave. To leave, you need to live.

I am living right now. Soon, I will be able to leave.

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Today's trip to the dentist was... therapeutic in a strange way.

I thought it was going to be a nightmare. Imagine all the stuff the dentist could say about my teeth and all the nasty things she could do to them.

But once the drill started, it was surprisingly relaxing. The sound of the drill, the glow from the light, a slight vibration going through my buccal cavity... it's just hypnotising.

"You drink lots of coffee and tea?"

"Yeah." (I can't say "yes" because my mouth is wide open)

"Well, try to cut down on that. Your teeth is rather badly stained."

The buzzing of a tiny drill ensued, grinding its way into my jaw and rubbing out the toughest of stains.

The whole visit to the dentist could've been so peaceful. Until she whipped out my nemesis: THE FLOSS.

I know how much of a bitch I am when it comes to dental hygiene; but even a dental neat-freak like me cannot stand FLOSSING. The nightmare that flossing is. I would rather use mouthwash for a hundred thousand years than floss my teeth for a week. The pain! The agony! IT'S UNBEARABLE!!!

To make things worse, my dentist is flossing my teeth like she would a horse's. ARGH.

I HATE FLOSSING.

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

I just heard from my folks yesterday that my dad may switch jobs and get posted to Tianjin for three years. If so, my mom will quit her current job and accompany my dad to China. Which means there's a possibility that I'm going to spend all my polytechnic life alone. Or perhaps with my brothers. I don't know. Make that a high possibility, since it's a really lucrative job. It's a scary thought, three whole years on my own. Since my brothers don't come home often, it means most of the time I'll be alone.

This is what you wanted, Fangying. Life, on your own. Your own life. No one to bother you about nitty-gritty things. But why are you so hesitant? Why that long face, huh?

It's just daunting.

On the other hand, my friend, independence has to come sooner or later. Why not let it come sooner. It's going to be fun.

Really?

Yeah. Think about the possibilities. Think about what lies ahead. It's a chance to show that you're not useless, like you are now. Dependent and sucking off others for food, shelter, clothes, company and life. It's time to shake off that image and that life. It's time to show what you're capable of.

But I'm scared.

No, no, don't be. It's not like it's forever. It's not as if you're gonna be left with no one. In fact it's all still uncertain. Maybe they ain't gonna go after all. Even if they do it's not like three years in a row. They'd come home once in a while. They will.

So I guess I haven't much to fear. It's starting to look like an adventure. It looks like fun.

I'm just being paranoid. Whatever happens, I think I'm just gonna take it easy. Take it easy. Take it easy. It's what I do worst in life, but I have to learn to take it easy.