Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Tomorrow's D-day. Dammit.

I'm having second thoughts about anticipating its arrival now!

Oh dear. I'm really scaring myself shitless thinking about what's gonna be on the result slip and putting my sanity on the frontline trying to talk to my folks about it.

Oh shit. What if I fail. Then my mum's prophecy will come true and I will have to keep all my Sec 4 books... or not.

For nearly every week since the holidays started my mum has constantly reminded me not to throw away my old books in case I need to repeat Sec 4. Even though I kept reminding her that the syllabus has changed and, more importantly, stop scaring me.

Then my dad just told me yesterday, "It's okay to repeat. Your uncle repeated his Sec 4 too but still managed to go to Singapore Polytechnic."

Then today my mother gave me a stress ball in the shape of a pig with the word "Lucky" written on it. And she offered to accompany me to take my results but I told her not to 'cause it's a lot of trouble, getting her out of the office and into the school. Besides if we're unlucky we might have a stand-off with Ms Ow. I might then use the pig as a sort of a Ms Ow-voodoo doll and pinch it if she comes near. Watch her flee.

Oh man!! What am I to do if I am hit once again by the kind of results I got for my PSLE? The kind of results where my upbringing and family culture makes me perceive it as bad? I've had this mental struggle over what is good or bad. Frankly no one in my family is happy with my PSLE, but a whole lot of other people I have met over the past four years have told me that my grades were rather good. I don't know who to believe and I don't know how to convince one party it's not so bad and convince the other that it's not so good, and to reconcile this confusing double-standards myself.

I'm trying hard not to bother so much about it, but the idea that things can't be changed anymore just makes me feel even more fatalistic that ever.

Shall relieve tension by playing The Sims 2 Seasons now!!!!!