Thursday, January 24, 2008

FOURTEEN.

'nuff said!

Stop asking me if I want to go JC. I do not. I will not even think of their existence.

It's a matter of perspectives and preferences, yeah? So just accept it that I'm abnormal.

Plus. My L1B4 is TEN. I can practically apply for any damned course in any damned polytechnic. Why should I suffer in a lousy JC with 14 points when I can at least enjoy some aspects of learning in a desired course?

So yeah. One more JC question and I will smack your face on the nearest pillar/tree trunk/I-beam/weathervane/Great Wall of China.

On a happier note. I realised I am so fucking lucky I want to brag as shamelessly as I can.

English- A1. Okay. Bonus 'cause I didn't see this one coming.

Lit - B3. Studied like shit and swallowed a good portion of each text. See what happens when you mug. Where is my A1? I don't see my A1!! However, it's a vast improvement considering I got F9 for prelims.

Combined Humanities (SS/Hist)- A2. WHAT THE MOTHER FUCKING HELL. That day when I got out of the exam hall for SS I was like, "Consider myself lucky if I don't get pulled down to a C6 because of this.". I didn't remember completing a single essay nor did I remember even remembering anything that was vaguely mentioned in the syllabus. I just went in, spaced out, and went out feeling like I have managed to disprove the theory that I was strong in Humanities. Turns out fate likes to play jokes on me. Plus I never really listened to Mr Hazry during History classes and was busy counting all the 'yahs' and 'okays' Ms Tan said in all those 30-minute SS lectures. If you saw my SS lecture notes you'll only see the same Chinese word "正" written all over 50-70 times in two columns, one labelled "YAH" and the other labelled "OKAY".

Emaths - B3. Once again proves that mugging like shit does not secure you an A. The only subject to neither improve nor get worse. SEE! MUG LIKE SHIT AND YOU JUST GET THE SAME SHIT BACK. WTF I SHALL NEVER MUG AGAIN.

Amaths - B4. Debunks the "Mug Like Shit = Distinction" theory once more. But proves that just a little Buddha-leg-hugging does help you jump 5 grades from F9 to B4.

Chemistry - B4. Now this one is a shocker. People who mugged Chemistry and didn't get more than A2 please close the browser now. I SLEPT FROM ONE END OF SEC 3 TO THE OTHER END OF SEC 4 IN EVERY SINGLE DAMNED CHEMISTRY CLASS AND MUGGED CHEM WITH THE TEXTBOOK OPENED TO THE INDEX SECTION AND I PASSED, I BLOODY PASSED. I WAS UNCONSCIOUS FOR EVERY SINGLE CHEMISTRY LESSON, SPA AND ALL. FROM ONG HOONG SIONG TO AGNES YAM TO ANG CHAN MAI MAI. I. ACTUALLY. PASSED. WITH A B4. AM I DREAMING???? AM I DREAMING OR NOT?!?!?!?!!!!!!!! I EENIE-MINEY-MEENIE-MOED ALL THE MULTIPLE-CHOICE QUESTIONS EXCEPT FOR THE NO-BRAINER ONES. I CREATED MY OWN SCIENTIFIC BULLSHIT THEORIES FOR SECTIONS B AND C. I EVEN GAVE ONE-LINERS FOR MY ESSAY. AND I ESCAPED WITH A B4. EITHER I'M SO FUCKING LUCKY OR I'M SO FUCKING RETARDED. Okay okay move on.

Higher Chinese - B3. Not surprised. Being brought up bilingual does not secure you an A for this subject either. So I have nothing to complain. Except my mom does 'cause she expected an A1 for my Higher Chinese.

In case some idiots think I'm bullshitting, I'm not. I really slept my Sec 3 and 4 life away. School was like a hotel for me: go in, sleep, come out. The few subjects I was motivated to mug for all didn't get As. You saw for yourself. Even then my version of mugging is just some Buddha-leg-hugging. Either that or I actually did work but in a trance so I can't remember now. But I highly doubt so. Who would brainwash me into mugging? Would I even allow others to brainwash me in the first place?! All I really did (if you must know before you sue me) was some quiet time in Starbucks, reading Macbeth like a coffee-table magazine, reading history like a child's storybook while drawing stupid caricatures of Leon Trotsky being kicked out of the Politburo by Stalin, Kamanev and Kinoviev (AKA Stalin and the KK Buddies). Oh and I remembered the Communist Song, where we screwed up the lyrics of the irritating James Blunt song, "You're Beautiful". "We're COMMUNISTS! We're COMMUNISTS! We're COMMUNISTS, IT'S TRUE! We'll smack your face, send you to outer space..." AND AND AND Horrible Histories - reading The Frightful First World War and The Woeful Second World War helped. A LOT. Okay sorry so I did, in a way, mug for History, just by liking it and being a fan of political satire. If you know a thing or two about political humour you will get History. But not SS. Oh, no. That one, it's a cheem, cheem subject of Shitty, Out-Of-This-World, Blatant Propaganda Technology GOOD GOVERNANCE. So cheem that I can't even comprehend the Preface of the textbook. So cheem that I can't see how Venice and Singapore are related. Is it because we eat mee pok and they eat fettucine? Do they even eat fettucine?

And my math. I coulda done worse. I really thank my tutor for getting my ass off and actually count stuff. I really thank her for all the concern she showed me, whether it's for my maths, my other subjects, my emotional problems and etc. Without her I may have descended into a vortex of self-pity and pessimism. So thank you so much.

I have this sudden urge to re-read my History textbook and my notes 'cause suddenly I feel like laughing at people like Trotsky, Stalin, the KK Buddies, Khruschev (because he is fat, ugly, balding, and speaks with a loud wet lisp. Hardly the kind of Communist leader you'd deem fit of succeeding our Ironman champion, Mr Josef Stalin), Tito (just because his name is funny, ditto. His first name is worse. YOSIP. YOSIP TITO.), Mao, Chiang, Yuan Shikai (because he's so stupid. Imperialism was so over, done and flattened like kwaychap but he didn't get it. Slow on the uptake the poor fellow is.), Henry Puyi (just to laugh at his name. Henry-POOI!), Hitler (there's TOO MUCH to laugh about this guy. He's like a bull with a conspicuous nose ring. You just want to tickle his chin and tweak his nose ring when he gets all fired up reading his speeches. You just want to use a pair of bright shiny surgical tweezers and pluck at every single strand of his tacky little toothbrush moustache. You'd just like to make a point that he has only one testicle, and keep mentioning that after every sentence in his speech and make him so furious he wants to hand you over to his Brownies. There are just so many things you want to laugh about this guy. Seriously.), and of course, the most useless League in the world, the League of Nations. Supposed to prevent war but became a source of it anyway. Sorry got carried away.