Wednesday, November 28, 2007

1. I officially announce that my hair is GONE. Well more like 75% of it is gone and 50% of it is bunched up in a ponytail and placed in a drugstore plastic bag. In its place is a nice short Peter Pan haircut which can become a fauxhawk with a lot of wax. It's been gone since last Tuesday but didn't blog about it 'cause I wanted to give a few people a surprise. Well, I can safely say that only two were truly shocked; the rest probably underreacted or didn't realise until they saw my back.

2. There's a funny Chinese medicine smell in my house for some reason. It really really stinks and I don't know how to get out of it.

3. What a bummer. It's the holidays and I'm still frowned upon if I went out more than three times a week.

4. My room is in a complete mess and I'm on the verge of moving out because I've lost the will to reinventory it. 80% of the things in my room are second-hand; of the remaining 20%, 75% are age-inappropriate and only 10% are used on a regular (i.e. at least once every six months or so) basis. The remainders are all shit I don't care about.

5. [BRAT ALERT: PEOPLE WHO HATE BRATS, GET OUT NOW AND DON'T COME BACK] I'm not even allowed to make my room age-appropriate. Let me give you a basic idea of what my room looks like:

i. PINK walls.
ii. Stuffed toys.
iii. Barbie dolls.
iv. Shit everywhere (metaphorically, my dear)
v. Shit everywhere (literally, my dear, in Vondy's cage. Hamsters are shitting machines, if you will.)
vi. White girly bed frame with black legs embellished with gold(which I respect only because it's older than me, period.).
vii. Old bedsheets I end up using because nobody else wants. Like Hello Kitty and the shitty teddy-bear one.

Now guess the age of the owner.

Those of you who think it belongs to a 9-year-old, raise your right, raise your left, stamp your right, stamp your left, nod your head, shake your booty, stick out your tongue and sing, "FATHER ABRAHAM HAD SEVEN CHILDREN, SEVEN CHILDREN HAD FATHER ABRAHAM".

*surveys* Wow I see all of you are doing it. Good!

See? Now guess my age.

Ten? No...

Eleven? Up some more...

Thirteen? Waaay beyond that...

Twenty? No, less than that...

OH YOU MOTHERFUCKING TWIT, I GIVE UP ON YOU.

I AM 16.87 YEARS OLD YOU BITCH.

Oh sorry.

I mean, I am sixteen going on seventeen. I don't know what people think and I don't care, but I think I have seriously grown out of the colour pink, teddy-bear motifs, Hello Kitty and Barbie dolls and it's time to move on. I don't think I'm asking a lot; all I want is to repaint my room. Before that I even want the furniture swopped. But you said no so I didn't pursue the matter any further. Now all I need is just wall paint and myself (I proposed to D.I.Y, or rather, D.I.M.M (Do It Meself, Mate) n order to take a leaf from my dad's book and cut costs) but no, cost is not the issue.

"A whole house should look like a whole house. There should be harmony. If you paint your room it will stand out like a sore thumb and it doesn't look like it belongs to the house anymore."

Well here's my theory.

"Sure, a whole house should look like a whole house. It will look like a whole house if it is already one whole house and not two. Harmony doesn't mean all the rooms have to look just as boring and drab as one another. Sticking out like a sore thumb is what I do best and I will be responsible for it, don't worry. Besides, who the fuck will want to come into my room? Anybody who barges into my room without my permission will be deemed as an intruder and I will file a restraining order against the offender."

There you go. Rant over.